Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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