from now on my penis is your penis
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
