i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
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