he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
