We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
