I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
