shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
How external is "for external use only"?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
