Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
