You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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