the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
