i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
