Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
