Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Randomize
