I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
