i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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