i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
