I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
