I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
