butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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