We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
