dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
