ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Everyone says I win the strip club
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
