Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
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