remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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