So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
