First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I just gift wrapped bread.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
