so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
