Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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