Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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