I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
