guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
