Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
