You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
