One girl and one boy is just not enough.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Randomize
