what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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