He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
