belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
