Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
