CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
