it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Dick very happy bro
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
