I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
