You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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