Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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