you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
