In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
