wanna go halves on a baby?
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
