I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Randomize
