a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
