Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
