well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
