You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
