maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
