I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
