i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
