So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
