Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Found your dick twin last night
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
