I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
