the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
it's great music for shaving your balls
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
