There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
We're too hungover to prance.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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