She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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