I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize